The first 15 minutes of this film is the best that M. Night Shyamalan has to offer us. Mildly suspenseful at best, The Happening follows the unknown virus as it stretches across the eastern sea-board like the plague of the dark ages. The only thing more horrifying than the deadly self mutilating disease is the screenplay and the piss-poor acting. Filled with dull plot points, is this pitiful excuse of a homage to Alfred Hitchcock himself. Shyamalan’s ominous wind from the trees that flows through the grass, like one of my farts after cheap chicken Monday, was brilliantly stupid. Not only that, but Shyamalan manages to turn Hollywood’s ultimate badass into a first rate biology teaching pussy. Nice job, ass!
I felt embarrassed. Laughing at the significantly unsuspenseful twists, while holding my head in my hands the rest of the time. From The Sixth Sense to Signs to this piece of garbage? I thought he was supposed to be the next Hitchcock, instead the closest he comes is when Zoey Deschennel blurts out;
“I feel like I’m going to take a shower and see your silhouette on the shower curtain.”
Great job not forcing it. Yo, Shyamalama-Ding-Dong, when did you start working for green peace you massive pile of ass dirt. For some reason at the end of this overwhelmingly horrific movie you had to try and become Captain Planet, why? I do have to admit though, the best part of my movie going experience was when I heard the distinct voice of Sol Rosenberg from the audience yell out, “Ding!” before the movie even touched the screen.
The ‘Crap’ening really screwed the pooch.
imdb – 5.4/10
Rotten Tomatoes – 19%
moviewiseguys – 2/10
“WHACKED”
